" I scared myself into it."

Last weekend, Mike and I attended a small speculative fiction/media conference called Diversicon. One of the reasons that the weekend was so fantastic is that the author who was the guest of honor was extremely bright and excelled at expressing herself, without taking herself too seriously. Her name is Kay Kenyon and I am greatly enjoying the first book in her "The Entire and The Rose" series.

One of the panel discussions was an interview with Kay. Her answer to one of the questions is sticking with me. When she was asked why she started writing fiction, her reply was "I scared myself into it." She elaborated by explaining that she didn't want to be an old woman who was being asked by her grandchildren why she hadn't done that thing she was always talking about.

Of course, one way to avoid this event would be to keep one's dreams and goals to oneself. Not a realistic solution for most of us.

In conjunction with Kay's thought lodging itself in my brain, has been a realization that an idea I had learned from Wayne Dyer may not always be as good as I originally thought it was. I've forgotten the name of the PBS special where he talked about the children's song, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". I do remember that he emphasized two main concepts that should serve as guiding principles out of that song. One guiding principle was to row your boat, not someone else's. And the second principle was to row it gently down, the stream; not aggressively upstream.

I was in the throes of recovering from perfectionism at the time and those concepts stuck with me; and actually helped me quite a bit. However, I've lately had the realization that there are times when one's greater good and happiness are going to require a strenous row against one's natural current.

And I guess that's why we have to scare ourselves into some of the goals and dreams that we have. Turning your boat around from what's been leisurely and seemingly easy requires the strong motivator of fear.

My theory is that our leisurely row downstream only felt that way and that once we actually work toward our dream, we might find that we don't even have to row.

In Praise of Other People's Junk

My SO is a garage sale and thrift store aficionado and I enjoy going with him to them, especially since we're now homeowners. I'm sure my mother finds this to be a very interesting development, since having to hit garage sales on every "quick" trip to town in the summers was the bane of my existence.

A month ago or so, we picked up a rice/vegetable steamer. I don't remember how much we paid. (He probably would.) No more than $2.00. It was missing a box and instruction book. I easily found the instruction book on the internet as a PDF and printed it off. He has used it, and I finally used it this weekend. (Using new gadgets seems like a lot of bother until I get used to them.)

I *heart* this gadget. And, am now trying to decide which fresh vegetable to try cooking in it first.

The steamer includes a meshed section on top of the water so that herbs and spices can flavor the steam. Pretty cool. A book on my wish list is called The Flavor Bible . It lists just about every ingredient you can imagine, along with recommended ingredients to use with it. Alas, I just noticed that the instruction book already includes recommended herbs for various vegetables, and so I don't yet have the justification to purchase the book. Those of you who have seen my entire bookshelf decdicated to cookbooks are probably guffawing at my desire to purchase yet another book about cooking. And rightly so!

Stay tuned for the adventure as I teach myself how to cook more delicious vegetable dishes.

P.S. My mother is a good cook and I learned a lot from her. However; corn, peas, iceberg lettuce, and potatoes were what farm families ate most of the time. There's so much more out there!

Being "in the moment" - Not always the best choice

I am really good at sleeping. And in the mornings, I am a textbook example of Newton's first law of motion: "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." (http://csep10.phys.utk.edu/astr161/lect/history/newton3laws.html)

When the alarm goes off, my mind rebels. I can easily go back to what I was doing before the "external force" tried to apply itself.

My thoughts in that moment are that I need more sleep. Just that simple. It doesn't matter how long I've already been sleeping. If there isn't an obligation on the schedule, my mind and body collaborate to convince me that I need more sleep.

HOWEVER, here's what I've noticed. When eventually, I disregard that first thought and force myself to start moving, I am pretty awake and happy within a few minutes.

This same cycle of thought processes can occur when I contemplate exercising, or cooking a balanced meal that includes vegetables, or composing an approach letter to someone in my network.

My conclusion: For me, there are some moments that I should not engage in. They simply don't serve my higher purpose.

My Intention

This is an interesting time in my life.

I have a few goals that seem really important. The goals: to find new employment and become physically healthy.

There has been plenty of internal dialogue that has occurred as I flip flop between pursuing my goals and spending time NOT pursuing my goals (and feeling bad about it). In the past few days, I have realized that this time in my life is an opportunity to really transform.

I am someone who is very idea-oriented and generally operate in the realm of my mind really well. Operating in the realm of action is my big challenge in life.

So, this blog will be about trying to become more balanced between thought and action.

The title of the blog comes from the Souza quote: "Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth." I have always loved this quote and have embraced it in my thoughts and how I interact with people.

The part that's missing for me is about being attentive to my personal interests and goals in a bold, authentic way. This time in my life is about finding the courage to do stuff that's hard for me . I am someone who is fortunate to have many people who love me. I have learned to have a great deal of personal integrity in my interactions with others (most of the time). People describe me as compassionate, wise, loving, and creative. And I am comfortable with those descriptions.

I guess what is happening for me is that I'm feeling a big gap between what I could be and what I currently am...and this blog will be my way of capturing my journey toward being an exuberant example of dancing, loving, singing, and living.

Please feel free to contribute your experiences on the journey.